For every disease there are miracle cures

Just ask Dr. Oz

Don’t bother with empirical cures

Believe in Santa Claus!

Bring back ivermectin

It never ever fails you:

For treating your erection

Or anything that ails you. 

A griping in your gizzard

Shouldn’t give you pause

Consult your friendly wizard

The one named Dr. Oz.

Another epidemic

Really would be tragic

The problem is systemic.

The treatment should be magic!

And you could lose a hundred pounds—

Overnight! Get out your jeans!

Dr. Oz is making rounds

With green coffee beans.

Grind them up and chew them

Or squirt them up your schnozz

Scientists pooh-pooh them

But trust in Dr. Oz.

Donald Trump said he would consider banning some vaccines and ending fluoridation of drinking water.

Springtime for measles and tetanus

We’ll take our chances with germs

No vaccinations to threaten us

Our brains have been eaten by worms.

.

Springtime for Covid and cavities

Winter for seniors and tots

We’d rather flaunt our depravities

Than make our kids take their shots.

.

Springtime for whooping cough and polio

The MAGA crowd’s song will be sung

We’ll save each fetus and embryo

To live in a nice iron lung

The votes have all been counted, or enough of them at least

To say I won the South, the North, the Midwest and the East.

And I’ll win all the others, too, and win them very strongly,

Even though the Democrats will cheat and count them wrongly.

So if you see a Democrat, grab them by the throat

Winning only counts if you get every single vote

And then get out and fight like hell, grab a sword or gun

We can’t give up fighting just because we won

He worships Hitler’s generals,

Stood by him like a rock.

But when it comes to genitals

Envies Arnold’s ….

Cock-a-Doodle Dandy!

No ifs or ands or buts:

Someone’s feeling randy

At the thought of Arnold’s ….

Putts, and Arnold’s putter.

His game was mighty slick.

His heart goes all aflutter

At the thought of Arnold’s…

Stick him in a prison

Stuck behind the walls

He feels a certain frisson

At the thought of all those…

Balls go flying off the tee

And to the green they roll

And all the pros think, golly gee:

Look at Arnold’s…

Pole. It makes him want to dance

To his favorite number:

“YMCA!” ‘Cause Arnold’s pants

Held a piece of lumber.

Conspiracy theories about weather manipulation spread online.https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/10/business/media/hurricane-milton-helene-conspiracy-theories.html

You don’t need a weatherman

To know which way the wind blows:

Any way the Rothschilds say

Is where the weather goes.

.

Tornadoes on the Gulf Coast shore

Unleashed by Poseidon.

We’re not in Kansas any more.

And all because of Biden.

.

When hurricane are forming

Just howl your defiance

It isn’t global warming

It’s not about the science

.

You don’t need Al Roker

To understand the news

If you get a soaker

Just blame it on the Jews.

.

Just listen to your Facebook friend

Not some “climatologist.”

(But we’d also recommend

A clinical psychologist.)

Donald J. Trump, denouncing antisemitism, said “if I don’t win this election,” then “the Jewish people would have a lot to do with a loss.”

If you’re polling weakly

There’s just one thing to do

Don’t accept it meekly:

Blame it on a Jew!

If you’re being battered

Even on Fox News

Inadequately flattered:

The fault lies with the Jews!

If there’s a sudden mania

In some key milieus

Like, say, Pennsylvania,

For Harris—it’s the Jews!

If you’re left out of the dance

And overwhelmed by grief

Just do what they do in France

And  cherchez le Juif!

Taking on the Nazi slob?

Come and join the queue

It’s a necessary job:

Give it to a Jew!

JD Vance wrote in a post on the social platform X that his office has received “many inquiries” in the past few weeks from residents of Springfield who said Haitian migrants abducted their neighbors’ pets or local wildlife.… Claims of Haitian migrants eating pets spread online over the weekend, with conservative-leaning national figures including Charlie Kirk and Elon Musk posting about them.

The Democrats let Haitians 

Do what Haitians do:

Kidnap your Dalmatians 

To make Dalmation stew.

It can only bode ill

To see them on your street

Looking for some roadkill

Or else your parakeet.

Any game is fair game

From any class or phylum

When Haitian migrants stake a claim

On dinner, and asylum.

There’s no broader folly

Than letting Haitians rob

Your family’s border collie

Your hamster, and your job.

The Democrats will try to rig

The counting of the vote

So best lock up your guinea pig,

Your koi pond and your goat.

No boxes or artificial lifts will be allowed to stand on during my upcoming debate with Comrade Kamala Harris–Donald Trump, Truth Social Post, Sept 7, 2024.

Donald Trump is eight feet tall

They said so right on Fox

He makes Kamala look small

Even in his socks.

.

Donald Trump is nine feet tall

Or maybe even more

Unlike little Kamala,

Whose feet don’t reach the floor.

.

Donald Trump is ten feet tall

Just let that number sink in

The greatest President of all

Even counting Lincoln. 

.

Standing next to Donald Trump

In her high-heeled pumps

She would barely reach his rump

Even if she jumps.

“She was Indian all the way, and then all of a sudden she made a turn and she became a Black person.” – Donald Trump on Kamala Harris, at the National Association of Black Journalists 

Donald Trump’s a genius

At knowing who is Black.

If you’re heterogeneous

Don’t go behind his back. 

He says it’s no bother

Like telling light from dark.

He learned it from his father

Back in Rego Park.

You cannot embarrass

This road-show Machiavelli

He knows it wasn’t “Harris”

In Mumbai or New Delhi

And if he takes a fun jab

At your name or race

Say “I’m from the Punjab.

So tell it to my face!”

The widow of the man shot at Trump’s rally on Saturday said she hasn’t heard from the former President, and that she refused to take President Biden’s call. Trump was photographed golfing the day after the shooting.

I am in my thoughts and prayers

My heart goes out to me.

The message is that someone cares

About my tragedy.

I know all my supporters

Will back me through this strife

Kids sending me their quarters.

A card came from my wife.

As Jesus died upon the cross

I’d gladly risk a cut

An ear is not too big a loss.

Excuse me while I putt.